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Today I am 60.  And my blog turns 7.

Which means that I began writing here, in the Mystic Review, seven years ago today on August 22nd of 2010.  

That day came eight years after the accident that profoundly disabled my oldest son and irrevocably changed all of our lives. And two years after the interdimensional dream that had caused me to return to, then leave, organized religion.

It was three in the morning on the sleepless night of my 53rd birthday, August 22nd 2010. I was sitting alone in the dark watching a public access TV show about a spiritual teacher I had never heard of before. And then, unexpectedly, something clicked.

I realized that the teacher speaking softly through my TV shared the same exact message I'd been given in the dream two years before.

The next day I went to Barnes & Noble and bought his book, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose. By that afternoon I had launched this blog and wrote my first post on teacher and author Eckhart Tolle.

I was excited by Tolle's ideas and I very much wanted to believe that somehow beyond the darkness through which I was paddling, we were all steadily evolving in the direction of light.

Over the next seven years, I explored, steadily working my way through New Age and Spiritualism and Ancient Religions and Ufology. I read about dreams and psychic phenomena and angels and NDE. I started an internet radio and interviewed fascinating people. I ventured out into the "real" world and found that there were others with whom I had something in common.

And through it all I made every effort to chart my course by dreams and visions and synchronicities that I believed had been sent to guide me.

I interpreted that guidance as best I could.  Occasionally I got it right. More often, I didn't. The goal never changed but somehow I wandered. And then, this year, in the seventh year of the blog and ninth year of my spiritual journey, I came home.

That homecoming began with a new course of study and three clear signs. One day, at the flea market I bought, a big old plaster statue of the Blessed Mother. A few weeks later I went up to the attic and brought down the remnants of my long walk with Catholicism. But I am not the same person I was in 1996 or 2011.

The trappings are similar but the meaning has shifted.  

Thanks to my various experiences of spirit, I look at things differently. I see the demi-gods of the Catholic Church as energetic beings who light one path - of many. I study Gnostic Christianity and the Ascended Masters and my home is my church.

I am learning, however imperfectly, to live my mission.

Earlier this month I had a lucid dream that felt like a vision. The words, "this is the true church" drifted through my mind. Looking up I saw that I was in a huge high ceilinged cathedral and that every inch of that cathedral was filled up with light.

I have had similar experiences. But this experience was different. Instead of being white or purple or green or blue, this light was golden and shimmering and refracting in a way I have not seen before. And it gave me a feeling of quiet but unusually deep euphoria.  

When I woke up I heard music and that music played softly at the edge of my awareness all day long.

Such experiences are incredible and meaningful but the truth is that they happen rarely. Too rarely, in fact, to keep me on track. But this is what does.

I look at the posts I've written here, in this blog, stretching all the way back to that last long dark night of the soul. I look at the words that helped define the spiritual experiences that came after and the posts that strung one experience to the next like stepping stones in fog.

And I think that, for me, this is the secret.

If this blog has helped others, it has helped me more.

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  1. How beautiful! Thank you for sharing your experiences with the world. Blessings to you. <3

    1. Thank you so much Jennifer <3 Blessings to you as well!


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