About The Spirit Dream
I overshot my October 31st deadline by a couple of weeks. But I did get it done.
The book is going out to beta readers ASAP and will then be edited for publication. I have a title, now, and a cover, which you can see full-size below.
Coming Up with a Title
Picking the title was a challenge. My first choice was "Of Light and Dark."
But since the Spirit Dream was THE dream that kicked off my search for meaning and dreams figured prominently in much of what happened along the way I thought that fit. So the title is The Spirit Dream and the picture on the cover is representative of that dream.
The book will be available on Amazon and on Etsy and on my author website in 2024 and my paranormal story should be available not long after that. I will be talking about select topics from the testimony on YouTube and on the podcast and possibly sharing some excerpts here on this site.
If you want to know more about the paranormal fiction, you can check out this page: BarbaraGraver.com/ebooks
To get release updates for both books (and a freebie) please subscribe to: Barbara Graver's Email List.
The Blurb
The Spirit Dream is the story of a very unusual dream and the search for meaning that followed. This search included a deep exploration of New Age practices, and Spiritualism. Finally, providence brought me back to the Catholic faith, I'd left behind some 20 years earlier. The Spirit Dream is a spiritual memoir that includes reflections and research on a range of phenomena and topics. Coming soon!
A Closer Look at the Cover
The word necromancy is adapted from Late Latin necromantia: a loan word from the post-Classical Greek νεκρομαντεία (nekromanteía), a compound of Ancient Greek νεκρός (nekrós, or 'dead body') and μαντεία (manteía, or 'divination'). (Wikipedia)
There was a time when I was fascinated with cemeteries. They were once my favorite place, in fact, for recording EVPs and taking spirit photos.
A Paranormal Memorial Day
Back to the Cemetery
The first rule: in persons who are going from mortal sin to mortal sin, the enemy is ordinarily accustomed to propose apparent pleasures to them, leading them to imagine sensual delights and pleasures in order to hold them more and make them grow in their vices and sins. - The Rules of St. Ignatius
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As someone who grew up with undiagnosed Aspergers and certain amount childhood trauma, I’ve had to do my share of healing. While I always saw emotional healing as a journey, however, it didn’t occur to me that it was a hero’s journey until I read this passage in The Spirit of Healing (affiliate link) by Dr. Lewis Mehl-Madrona.
All of the healers that I worked with emphasized that you have to present your wish to be well in such a way that the spirits would admire you, that the spirits would be impressed, that the spirits would say, wow you’re someone I really want to help. In short, you have to become a hero. You have to create a heroic journey for yourself toward wellness, from sickness. And everyone loves a hero. Spirits are no exceptions. Whatever your heroic journey is, the more impressive it is, the better for you. - The Spirit Of Healing by Lewis Mehl-Madrona, MD
As a Catholic, I might not think of spirits in the same terms as Dr. Mehl-Madrona, but I do believe that saints and angels intercede for us. And I love the idea of becoming the kind of person a saint or angel might actually want to pray for.
But I didn’t share this quote because of what it says about spiritual beings or their intercession. I shared it because of what it says about us.
Healing IS a hero’s journey – so if we want to make that journey, we have to be heroic.
On Heroism
Because I felt I needed to really understand what Dr. Mehl-Madrona is saying here, I looked the word heroism up in Merriam-Webster. The synonyms provided included words like bravery, courage, daring, fearlessness, gallantry, heart, moxie, nerve, prowess, valor, and virtue.
These are the kind of traits that most of us think about when we think about being heroic. But the actual definition (or the definition I liked best) of heroism didn’t really talk about character traits. It talked about “heroic conduct exhibited in fulfilling a high purpose or attaining a noble end.”
To me this means that in order to be heroic we have to (a) know where our journey or quest is headed and (b) be willing to actually do things in order to get there. I think this way of looking at heroism makes a lot of sense.
Where Are You Going?
When it comes to inner healing no two people will have the exact same destination or goal.
Some of us want to be better parents or spouses or humans. Others want to feel better or achieve a specific vocational objective. There may even be several different goals. But I think it helps to narrow it down to one or two.
So I prayed and journaled on my goals and thought about where I want to end up. The next step is to figure out how to get there. To me, that’s where courage comes into play.
How Courage Looks
For most of us, the kind of courage healing calls for doesn’t look like anything special.
It might, for example, simply look like going for a walk when the weather’s bad. Or working in the garden when we’re afraid of snakes. Or putting things right when the weight of what needs to be done overwhelms us. Or participating in things when people just don't get us.
And in 2024 courage is going to look like all those things for me. For you it may look like something totally different, but I’m willing to bet we have this in common. When somebody sees us gardening or showing up or taking part, it probably looks pretty ordinary.
Very few would even realize that what we’re doing takes courage – or that it’s part of an epic, hero’s journey to healing.
But it is.
For more on the holy angels, check out the Order of the Canons Regular of the Holy Cross YouTube channel, visit the Opus Angelorum website, or do both :)
Beautiful Picture of Bishop Schneider at Mass |
I left the New Age and occult in late 2017 and returned to my Catholic faith in early 2020. Many of my spiritual experiences before I came back to the Faith were dark. But the funny thing was - I didn't realize it at the time.
The Discernment of Spirits
First Rule. The first Rule: In the persons who go from mortal sin to mortal sin, the enemy is commonly used to propose to them apparent pleasures, making them imagine sensual delights and pleasures in order to hold them more and make them grow in their vices and sins. In these persons the good spirit uses the opposite method, pricking them and biting their consciences through the process of reason. - St. Ignatius, The Rules for Discernment of Spirits
The Angel God Promises
He said, “Fear not, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them.” Then Eli′sha prayed, and said, “O Lord, I pray thee, open his eyes that he may see.” So the Lord opened the eyes of the young man, and he saw; and behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire... - 2 Kings 6:16-17 (Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition)
- For more about the angels please check out the Opus Angelorum. There is some great free content as well as wonderful books and lectures!
- You may also want to subscribe to my email list and get new blog posts in a weekly digest.
My Struggle
I worked on the long form of my nonfiction book all last week and by Friday I was ready to give up on it - with only one chapter left to write.
But it wasn't that last unwritten chapter that was at fault. It was another chapter - Chapter 7 - where I talk about my time as an Evangelical Protestant. Or try.
And the story isn't even all that complicated.
This is the short version:
My Experience
I returned to Christianity in 2017. This was around the same time that New Age guru Doreen Virtue had renounced her previous work and become a born-again Christian. I didn't know that then and it didn't play a part in my decision, but it did influence me later.
Doreen Virtue talked a lot about what she had given up in order to become a Christian and while my New Age business was a lot smaller than hers I got it. The metaphysical articles I was writing for the Mystic Review were receiving thousands of views a day and my home-based card reading business was growing. I taught tarot at a local holistic center, ran a couple of different groups, and a had made friends locally in both New Age and occult circles.
On top of that, my New Age persona had become my identity. So when I returned to Christianity, I was trying to figure out where I might fit in.
I joined a few of the Evangelical Protestant Facebook groups run by Doreen's fellow "New Age to Christianity" co-authors and others. I listened to what was said by the New Age to Christianity crowd and other Reform-leaning Evangelicals on Facebook and YouTube. I read books by John McArthur other Evangelical authors.
I began to believe what I was hearing. And the thing I was hearing the most was that the Bible contained the full and complete deposit of faith and that the Catholic Church had completely disregarded this stand-alone resource in order to "make up" her own doctrine.
This belief was possible only because I didn't know anything really about the Church I'd left behind some 20 years earlier.
But I was not entirely comfortable with Protestantism across the board.
My Issues with Protestant Beliefs
I couldn’t help noticing that there was a lot of disagreement among Protestants about the interpretation of Scripture. And I sometimes felt that Bible passages were used out of context in order to prove a point.
I found idea that once we’re saved; we're guaranteed a place in heaven, no matter what, hard to accept.
But the thing that bothered me the most was the idea that God had stopped providing private spiritual revelation at the close of the first century. Especially because I knew for a fact that the enemy could, and did, reveal all kinds of things to humans in order to ensnare them.
To me, the idea that Satan could exert more influence over us than God, didn't seem right. And I believed then, and now, that God did give me a nudge from time to time.
So I was glad to discover John Wesley and the charismatic Protestant denominations. I parted ways with the Evangelicals. I went on to join a Pentecostal church where everyone believed that God was still talking.
I liked being a Pentecostal. But I still couldn't help feeling that there had to be more to getting to heaven than a single salvation experience.
This wasn't what brought me back to Church. That was God's doing. But, in my heart, I knew my objections were valid.
Trying to Write About This in My Nonfiction Book
I have a lot of clarity about Protestantism and why it didn't work for me. I don't have any trouble talking about it on the podcast or on YouTube. I don't even mind writing about it here in the blog.
I also think there are a lot good things in the Protestant denominations. It was the Protestants who taught me how to love Scripture. Not the Catholics. And that is no small thing.
So I was very clear on what I wanted to say about my experience as a Protestant. But when I sat down to edit what I'd already Chapter 7 of my testimony, I felt so overwhelmed that I began to wonder if I shouldn't just forget about writing the testimony altogether, and move on to something else.
But I still felt called. So I decided to pray about it.
I asked my guardian angel to illuminate my intellect. I asked Mary to intercede on my behalf. I asked Jesus to show me if writing my testimony was, or wasn't, part of His plan.
And then, I listened to Women of Grace on EWTN.
Which is something I rarely do.
The First Door
The Second Door
The Third Door
I think that when we have a desire on our heart - and this is just... good advice for everyone. When we have a deep desire on our heart I think it's beautiful to take that before the Lord and to ask Him... to help us to see - is this coming from... a prompting of the Holy Spirit or is it coming from myself? [Because] every Ministry that God raises up, He raises up for a purpose. [So] when we have a desire and we know that it's a holy desire, then we assume that the Holy Spirit is prompting. And as I always told the Lord - especially when He was leading me to give Fiat to what it is that I do today (and I didn't know what it was I just had this tremendous desire that was burning in me I thought my heart would burst... [and] I wanted to do whatever it was...) I made a promise to Him - and I've lived by this promise - and that is: I will walk through every door that You open. You open the door and I will walk through. - Johnnette Williams, Women of Grace Episode August 28, 2023
Update 2024
About Today
I was walking around my home town on Assumption Sunday 2 years ago when I took this picture. |
Mary conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee!
St Michael Prayer In Latin
Sancte Michael Archangele, defende nos in proelio, contra nequitiam et insidias diaboli esto praesidium. Imperet illi Deus, supplices deprecamur: tuque, princeps militiae caelestis, in virtute Dei, in infernum detrude satanam aliosque spiritus malignos, qui ad perditionem animarum pervagantur in mundo. Amen.
Saint Michael Prayer in English
Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray; and do thou, O prince of the heavenly host, by the power of God, cast into hell, Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.
Learning Latin Prayers
For me, it's much easier to learn a prayer in Latin when I can match up the Latin word or phrase with the English. This is why I always work on learning a new prayer using a side by side or line by line translation like the one below.
While it's possible to guess the English meaning of some of the Latin when reading the prayers side by side, other lines and phrases can be confusing. If you use Chrome, you can translate the Latin by highlighting a given word or phrase with the Google Translate add-on (here). If you don't use Chrome just google Google Translate and copy and paste.
Side By Side / Line By Line Version (Latin and English)
Sancte Michael Archangele, |
Saint Michael the Archangel, |
defende nos in proelio, |
defend us in battle, |
contra nequitiam et insidias diaboli esto praesidium. |
be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil. |
Imperet illi Deus, supplices deprecamur: |
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray; |
tuque, princeps militiae caelestis, |
and do thou, O prince of the heavenly host, |
Satanam aliosque spiritus malignos, qui ad perditionem animarum
pervagantur in mundo, divina virtute, |
by the power of God, cast into hell, Satan and all the evil spirits who
prowl about the earth, |
in infernum detrude. Amen. | seeking the ruin of souls. Amen. |
Why Pray in Latin?
And Pilate wrote a title also, and he put it upon the cross. And the writing was: JESUS OF NAZARETH, THE KING OF THE JEWS. This title therefore many of the Jews did read: because the place where Jesus was crucified was nigh to the city: and it was written in Hebrew, in Greek, and in Latin. - John 19:19,20 (Douay Rheims Bible)
It commonly said that the devil hates Latin and, in my own experience with prayer, this is absolutely true. Latin (along with Greek and Hebrew) is a sacred language by virtue of its use upon the cross. It is also the language of the Mass.
The angels love the Mass. For me, attending the traditional Latin Mass with an awareness of the presence of the angels is beyond beautiful. When I drop to my knees for the Sanctus, I can almost feel them hovering, gentle and pure, all around us.
At every Holy Mass, heaven is opened for us and we join in the praise and adoration of the Angels who stand night and day before the Throne of God singing unceasingly, “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty..." Through the perfection of their praise, the Holy Angels can lead us more deeply into this praise of God and loving communion with Him and His divine Son in the Sacred Liturgy. - The Holy Mass as Communio (Opus Angelorum Circular: Advent 2021)
Holy Communion by Angelo Graf von Courten, 1848-1925. |
Printable St. Michael Prayer Card
If you'd like a printable St. Michael English - Latin Prayer Card (as pictured below), please check out the new listing in my Etsy shop here. This is folding prayer card to allow for the English and Latin versions of the prayer (85¢).Front of the St. Michael English - Latin Prayer Card |
Where I Got My Saint Benedict Medal
About The Jubilee Medal of St. Benedict
Origin and Explanation of the Medal
Meaning of the Latin
The Letters on the Other Side of the Medal
My shortest episode ever!
About this Episode
This is a single word EVP recording that has not been manipulated or altered in any way. To most people, it sounds like the word 'good' pronounced with a German accent. What is interesting about this EVP, is that the voice (near the end of the recording) seems to be commenting on the human conversation that precedes it. I found the quality of the voice telling, too.
If I had to guess at how a demon might sound, this would be it. I will doing a future episode on the topic of paranormal investigation but wanted to make the clip available as a single download
We added in the St. Michael Prayer due to computer issues experienced by a friend after listening to the recording.
For more on spiritual warfare, modern day occultism, and the Catholic faith please follow New Age To Catholic on your favorite podcast app!
- You can listen to my testimony in episodes 1 & 2 of the podcast - or online at newagetocatholic.com/e/returning-to-the-church-my-testimony-part-2/
- You can also download my written testimony as a free PDF at BarbaraGraver.com/my-testimony
Print in my room. |
“Each one of us, even the poorest of the poor, has angels watching over him. The angels are glorious, pure and splendid, but they have been given to us as companions along the way of life. They have the task of watching over you all, so that you do not stray away from Christ, your Lord.” - Pope Pius XII, October 3, 1958
Praying Alone
I have a print of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane hanging in my bedroom. And even though the trials I face are nothing compared to His, on a level, I can identify.
While Jesus prayed, on the eve of His crucifixion, his disciples slept. He knew what it was like to pray without human company. And, so do I.
I do understand, of course, that God is always listening. Just like I know He is always there when we pray. Sometimes I feel His presence and sometimes I don't. And when I don't, I can't help wishing that there were other people there to pray with me.
Unfortunately, there are no family prayers in our house and no immediate possibility of them either. Or so I thought.
Because now, thanks to the Opus Sanctorum Angelorum (Work of the Holy Angels), I'm starting to see prayer in a different way.
My New Course of Study
The Opus Angelorum (or OA) promotes devotion to the holy angels through Church approved spiritual formation. The Order offers a 12 month home study course with access to priests and religious if needed, various retreat locations, a nice selection of books and media, and a path to consecration at a nearby OA event.
Everything I've received from the OA so far is wonderful. This includes monthly Formation Letters, prayer cards and related books and booklet. Some of which are pictured below.
I'll be sharing more on what I'm learning in future posts. But in this one I want to talk about something I heard in a video by OA associated Fr. Matthew Hincks.
The video explains the 12 ways you can grow with the angels. While all 12 suggestions were excellent, there was one that really stuck with me.
A New Way to Pray
I'll write out the 12 suggestions in my next blog post because it is my intent incorporate all of them into my life. But this morning I'm focusing on number eight, which I have already tried.
Pray with your Holy Guardian Angel.
Note the wording here. Fr. Hinck does not say that we should pray to our guardian angel (though we certainly can pray to him - provided we understand the difference between angels and God). Instead, Father is telling us to pray with our guardian angel.
Fr. Hinck goes on to remind us that when two or three are gathered together in His name, Our Lord is present. For me, the idea that my guardian angel can serve as a companion in prayer was a revelation. So this morning, when I prayed the Rosary, I asked my guardian angel to pray along with me and then I asked the angels of various family members to join in.
By the time we got to the Salve Regina, there was an entire company of us, there in my room praying. And I felt myself to be in wonderful company.
You can get Fr. Hinck's full teaching on this topic (Twelve Steps to a Living Friendship with the Guardian Angel) on the Opus Angelorum website for $4. I just picked it up and have already listened to it twice!
For where there are two or three gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them. - Matthew 18:20 (Douay-Rheims Bible)
Material from the OA. |
Russell Crowe in the Pope's Exorcist
Russell Crowe (of Gladiator fame) is an unlikely Fr. Gabriel Amorth. But he portray Fr. Amorth in the newly released film, "The Pope's Exorcist" anyway.
The late Fr. Amorth was chief exorcist for the Diocese of Rome and the founder of International Association of Exorcists. He wrote a number of wonderful books and I have read all of them. In other words, I'm a huge fan. So I was prepared to hate Crowe's portrayal of the saintly Fr. Amorth. But I actually didn't.
In my opinion, Crowe did a good job overall. He made the occasional joke (as did the real Fr. Amorth) and, to my untrained ear, his Italian accent (and Latin) was good. He did not try to be Fr. Amorth but he did try to build a likable character and I think he succeeded.
Anti-Catholic Elements in the Film
My main concern about the film was not that it would be badly acted but that it would be strongly anti-Catholic, in the way of some other movies (like Prey for the Devil). And I wasn't the only the only one who expressed that concern
Prior to the release of the film, the International Association of Exorcists made this observation on the trailer for "The Pope's Exorcist:"
...the Vatican environments, painted with the usual proven range of chiaroscuro colors, give the film a "Da Vinci Code" effect, for instill in the public the usual doubt: who is the real enemy? The devil or the ecclesiastical "power"? - Comunicato Stampa / Press Release – About the trailer for the film: “The Pope's Exorcist” (The International Association of Exorcists)
There WAS a Vatican conspiracy storyline in the film, as I discuss in my podcast episode, below. But it was focused mostly on the past. Also, as part of the larger plot of the movie, some clergy opposed Fr. Amorth because they didn't believe in evil spirits (or even necessarily evil). But the movie did not suggest that these clergy were the majority.
While the trailer for "The Pope's Exorcist" did seem to suggest a very strong anti-Vatican conspiracy, it turned out to be a relatively minor plot point. The actual movie, in my opinion, was not wildly anti-Catholic. And I suspect that if any of the members of the International Association of Exorcists watch it, they will probably agree.
But they were right about the special effects.
The Problem with Special Effects
We conclude these brief considerations with a reference to the so-called "special effects" , inevitable in every film dedicated to the theme of diabolical possession. As has already happened in other films, everything is exaggerated, with striking physical and verbal manifestations, typical of horror films. Now, this way of narrating Don Amorth's exorcistic experience, in addition to being contrary to historical reality, distorts and falsifies what is truly lived and experienced during the exorcism of truly possessed people whom we, Catholic exorcists, celebrate according to the directives given by the Church. In addition, he is offensive towards the state of suffering in which those who are victims of an extraordinary action of the devil find themselves. - Comunicato Stampa / Press Release – About the trailer for the film: “The Pope's Exorcist” (The International Association of Exorcists)
Sadly, this seems to be what the public wants or what Hollywood thinks it wants. The biggest problem I have with this type of film is that it portrays the devil not necessarily as more powerful than he is in fact, but as far less subtle.
There is a real danger in believing that Satan is obvious or clumsy - which we will discuss this in future posts.
In summary, I did not hate "The Pope's Exorcist" and wouldn't tell anyone (over 18 and not triggered by cursing and violence) that they shouldn't watch it. But I would encourage them to read what the real Fr. Amorth had to say about Satan.
To listen to my full review on the movie including some discussion of the sacramental of exorcism please check out the podcast below or find my podcast "New Age To Catholic" on most popular podcast apps.
Or, if you prefer, you can watch video episode of the podcast below (and follow my channel YouTube.com/c/barbaragraver if so inclined):
- To read two of my favorite books by Fr. Amorth, please check out An Exorcist Explains the Demonic or Father Amorth: My Battle Against Satan (affiliate links).
- To read the original statement by the International Society of Exorcists or support it in its very important work please visit their website (there is an English option for this particular page).
- If you speak Italian, you can watch the documentary the Association discusses in their press release here.
- You can read my review of Prey for the Devil here
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Please note, this post includes Amazon affiliate links. This means that, if you purchase through one my links, I may receive a small commission at not cost to you.
My Experience with Light and Dark
I've toggled between light and dark enough, over the course of my life, for it to become a theme for me. And angels and demons are part of that theme.
Largely because I believe that I've had experience with both.
I believe that I've felt the influence of my guardian angel on a few occasions. And I'm quite sure that I dealt with the demonic, directly and repeatedly, during my time in the occult.
I have tried to write a full account of those experiences. But I've failed to finish that book.
So, I decided to put a condensed version up here on the blog. That may well be the end of that particular story. But my interest in light and dark persists.
Learning About Angels and Demons
I've been reading about angels and demons ever since I came back to the faith. My reference, right now, is Catholic exorcist, Fr. Chad Ripperger's excellent book Dominion (affiliate link).
In Dominion, Fr. Ripperger breaks down the teachings of renowned "angel saint" (and flat-out genius) Thomas Aquinas on the topic of angels and demons. And Ripperger does so in a way that sacrifices nothing.
Or that's my sense of it anyway. I can't really know for sure because I find the writings of St. Thomas difficult. Dominion on the other hand is perfectly readable. (Which is not the same thing as saying the book is a breeze).
For me, reading Dominion is a little like reading a textbook and, as with many textbooks, the only way I can really be sure I'm not missing anything is by taking notes as I go. This way of working through a book is slow going, however, and my wrist has been hurting lately - so I had set Dominion aside.
Then an interesting thing happened.
Talking About Angels
This week, I received a Facebook message from someone I had done a bit of Internet radio with when I was still in the New Age and occult. In the message I found a series of questions about my current beliefs. One in particular stood out.
"Do you still work with the angels?"
I responded as best I could - basing much of what I said on what I'd learned from Fr. Ripperger's book.
I should get back to that book, I thought, and maybe I would have. Or maybe not.
Then, as luck or providence would have it, I finished writing out my response and went for a walk. I was only a few blocks from the house when I noticed a book lying on the pavement in front of me. It was a Chicken Soup for the Soul book.
I'm not really a huge a fan of the series but the title did catch my attention.
"Believe in Angels."
I already do, I thought, though probably not in the way this particular book suggests.
Later that day I shared a picture of the Chicken Soup angel book with the woman who'd sent the questions. She felt certain I was meant to read it. But it's my practice at this point in my life to stick with books that are true to the faith.
So I went back to Dominion, sore wrist and all, and began to take notes.
To purchase Fr. Ripperger's book on Amazon, please click here: Dominion (affiliate link)
If you want to know more about my time in the New Age and occult, please visit check out my abridged online Testimony right here on the blog (no email required).
UPDATE: I went back to the testimony, and it is almost finished. Sign up for my elist to be updated on release (and get my blog posts and podcasts via two emails a month).
Please note, this post contains Amazon affiliate links. If you buy a book through one of these links, I may earn a small commission at no cost to you.
In this episode I talk about how and why you should share your testimony about coming (or returning) to the Faith. I also share the four step model St. Paul used when he shared his testimony in Acts 22 and how you can adapt that model to your own story.
Learning about St. Paul's method was timely for me because I am writing a short ebook about my experience in the New Age and occult but I believe that everyone has a story and that we should all be sharing it. Whether you share your testimony in a book, a podcast, on YouTube, with your Church or simply with a friend, I encourage you to find your voice and do it.
Witnessing about what God has done in our lives is never time wasted!
For more on spiritual warfare, modern day occultism, and the Catholic faith please follow the show!
- You can listen to my testimony in Episodes 1 & 2 or online at newagetocatholic.com/e/returning-to-the-church-my-testimony-part-2/
- You can also download my written testimony as a free PDF at BarbaraGraver.com/my-testimony
It was Mary who first called me to the Church and Jesus who called me back in early 2020. One of the first things I did after returning to the faith, was to look for a statue of the Blessed Mother to replace the two I had given away.
I bought my first replacement Mary statue on eBay and was excited to have found an exact replica of the old chalkware statue I had given up.
Unfortunately, when the statue arrived the beautiful face of Our Lady was completely smashed! At first I was upset, and even started to wonder if this was some kind of sign that coming back to the Church was a mistake. But the more I thought about, the more determined I felt to continue in the Faith.
I decided to repair the statue.
It was tedious, painstaking work, but as I reconstructed the statue my attention was drawn the snake that Mary was standing on. I knew that the snake represented Satan.
I thought about the many negative influence in my life - influences that included my fear of snakes and the presence of many garter snakes in our new year. And I started to feel that somehow Mary might help me to face that fear. I wasn't sure how that would happen exactly but I was willing to believe that it was possible.
Enter St. Kateri
A little later that year, a DNA test confirmed that I had a distant American Indian ancestor. While I have no direct connection to the indigenous culture, I've always been interested in Indian spirituality. Now I began to learn a bit more. As I did, I started think about what I was learning had to say about my lifestyle and my relationship to the land.
At that point, I was spending most of my time inside. I got very little exercise and my diet was terrible. My participation in the family vegetable garden was minimal and I had let my own medicine wheel herb garden go. I felt bad about that but the worse the garden got, the harder it seemed to turn it around.
Then I found out about the St. Kateri Conservation Center. According to the website, anyone could transform a yard, garden, school, farm, or parish into a Saint Kateri habitat.
Even people, I thought, who live on busy streets and are afraid of snakes - or maybe even those people especially.
Where I'm at Right Now
Right now, I'm busy working with my son in our backyard. We haven't got to the medicine wheel garden yet but we are making progress with we are working hard on getting our three raised beds ready for planting.
The Mary Garden is still in the planning stages and I am still snake phobic but I wanted to write this post to hold myself accountable.
The image above is of medicine wheel garden not long after we put it in. It is badly overgrown now and needs a lot of work. But I hope to posting on my progress very soon!
I also want to learn more about the medicine wheel and related aspects of American Indian spirituality.
About the Medicine Wheel
The Medicine Wheel, sometimes known as the Sacred Hoop, has been used by generations of various Native American tribes for health and healing. It embodies the Four Directions, as well as Father Sky, Mother Earth, and Spirit Tree—all of which symbolize dimensions of health and the cycles of life.
The Medicine Wheel can take many different forms. It can be an artwork such as artifact or painting, or it can be a physical construction on the land. Hundreds or even thousands of Medicine Wheels have been built on Native lands in North America over the last several centuries.
Movement in the Medicine Wheel and in Native American ceremonies is circular, and typically in a clockwise, or “sun-wise” direction. This helps to align with the forces of Nature, such as gravity and the rising and setting of the Sun. - Excerpted from "Medicine Ways" on the Native Voices Website
When I read about the medicine wheel garden and what it means, I can why I let mine go and why I must return to it.
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My journey back to the Church was a long one. You can read about some of it in my post The Long Way Home.
About This Image
The image above is a colorized version of "Saint Michael" by Italian master Guido Reni (1575–1642). This image is featured on the St. Michael printable prayer card available in my Etsy shop, Catholic Book And Card. For the card, I tinted the original paint to the vivid blue associated with Saint Michael (as shown above).
Saint Michael in the Bible
Saint Michael, is one of three archangels the Bible mentions by name (the others being Saints Raphael and Gabriel). Saint Michael is mentioned four times - twice in the Old Testament, and two more times in the new.
The first reference is in the Book of Daniel. In Chapter 10 St. Michael comes to comfort Daniel after he has had a vision, and promises to be his helper in all things. In Daniel 12, St. Michael is called "the great prince who standeth for the children of Thy people."
In these references St. Michael is shown to support Israel during the seventy years of the Babylonian captivity. In writing about St. Michael Daniel, strove to show his people that God had not forgotten them, and remind them that even in bondage they had a royal champion. In St. Jude 9, we are told that Michael disputed with the devil over the body of Moses - an episode not mentioned elsewhere in the Bible.
In the Revelation (Chapter 12) we find the most dramatic reference to St. Michael. Here St. John recounts the great battle in Heaven, when the wicked angels under Lucifer revolt against God. In this passage, Michael, leading the faithful angels, defeats the hosts of evil and drives them out.
Because of this victory, St. Michael is revered in Catholic tradition and liturgy as the protector of the Church.
Michael's battle against the rebel angels has been painted by many artists (one such painting serves as the main banner of this blog). It has been written about various writers, as well, including the poet Milton in book 6 of Paradise.
In the Eastern Church, St. Michael is placed over all the angels, as prince of the Seraphim. And, in Asia Minor, many curative springs were dedicated to him.
St. Michael is a powerful figure in spiritual warfare. He is considered to be the special patron of the sick, police officers, the military, the state of Israel and the Catholic Church. St. Michael's emblems are a banner, a sword, a dragon, and scales.
St. Michael's name is a variation of Micah, which asks (in Hebrew), "Who is like God?" It is the same question posed by Moses in Exodus 15:1-11. The passage, also called the Song of the Sea, is thought to be a very old section of Scripture that can still be heard today in the Mi Kamocha of Jewish worship:
Who is like You among the gods, Adonai? Who is like you? Glorious in holiness, awesome in praises...
About Michaelmas
Today September 29th is St. Michael’s feast day. During the middle ages this day - known as Michaelmas - was a holy day of obligation.
In 1969, the Novus Ordo Calendar added combined the feasts of St. Gabriel and St. Raphael with St. Michael's and discontinued the individual feasts of the archangels. Traditional Latin Mass congregations using the pre 1962 liturgical calendar keep the original dates for all three feasts. So, for me, this is St. Michael's day alone.
The SSPX (Society of St. Pius the X) devotional newsletter suggests that today is a good day to read the proper of the Mass of St. Michael, as found in the traditional missal. The newsletter also encourages us to "pray to St. Michael when temptations arise, especially those related to abuses of the internet, radio, and telephone."
The St. Michael Prayer
The Saint Michael Prayer is an amazing prayer for spiritual warfare. The abridged version (below) is short and easy to memorize and it can be said anytime you are feeling in need of spiritual protection. The prayer was written in Oct. 1, 1884 by Pope Leo XIII following a disturbing mystical experience at Mass.
The Pope had just finished celebrating Mass when he suddenly stood transfixed in front of the altar as if in a trance, his face drained of color. Once recovered, he went to his office and composed a prayer to St. Michael. He told his staff the prayer should be offered throughout the Church.
Pope Leo told others that he had heard two voices which he believed to voices of Our Lord and of Satan. The Pope heard Satan boast that he could destroy the Church in 75 or 100 years, if given the opportunity. Then he heard Our Lord give Satan permission to make the attempt.
The prayer was recited after Low Mass in the Catholic Church from 1886 until it was discontinued in 1964. Thirty years later, in his Regina Coeli address, Pope John Paul II said, “Although the prayer is no longer recited at the end of Mass, I ask every one not to forget it and to recite it to obtain help in the battle against the forces of darkness and against the spirit of the world.”
I'm happy to say that, at the SSPX Chapel I attend, the priest leads the faithful in the prayer to St. Michael after each and every Mass!
Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle. Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray; and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host - by the power of God - cast into hell, Satan and all the evil spirits, who roam about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.
To purchase the St. Michael printable prayer card (75¢ US) please check out my Etsy listing here.
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