Writing My Testimony

June 2022 update:  I have been waffling about writing my testimony for a long time.  Odds are, I was praying about it around the time I had this dream.  But I didn't see the connection until now.

The Dream

A contractor I apparently knew had told me about a volunteer opportunity.  He said that there was a woman living in a house that was in bad condition and that he, and some others, had been trying to help her.  So I went to see what I could do.

The house was unpleasant.  Not deplorable necessarily but ugly.  I was in the kitchen and the young woman I was supposed to help was complaining.  There were numerous problems with the property.  I remember that there was a 1980s style drop ceiling and some of the tiles were coming down.  Everything seemed flimsy and cheap.  

I didn't enjoy talking to the woman.  She was loud and obviously immature.  She was younger than me. I didn't have a strong sense of her age but she acted like an adolescent or even a pre-adolescent.  I tried to be charitable but I found her very irritating.  It seemed that she was renting and she was very unhappy with her landlady who was neglecting the property.

A little while later, I was at a dinner being held in the woman's honor.  We were seated at a long table under an old aluminum carport next to the house.  I was at the far end of the table.  I had reconnected with an old friend.  In real life, our friendship ended years ago but I've regretted that.  In the dream, I was happy to reconnect with her and eager to catch up.  She looked young and successful, just as I remembered her.

Annoyingly, the guest of honor kept demanding my attention from her end of the table.  She had written several different documents and was insisting I read them aloud.  Someone brought them to me. It was a hodgepodge of old newspaper clippings and pictures and handwritten papers.

I did not want to be bothered with the woman or her requests and kept saying that I didn't want to read what she had written.  I was angry with her for interrupting and insisting I read.  I felt that she was demanding attention she didn't deserve even though the dinner was being held in her honor.

My Take

When I woke up, I was still a little annoyed.  But then it occurred to me that the immature, attention seeking woman might be that part of myself who I don't want to acknowledge - here in this blog or anywhere.  My feelings toward her are so negative that blogging about the dream is unpleasant.

But there is something about all of this that is demanding my attention. 

I don't think it was any coincidence that I felt so much negativity toward the woman in the dream.  Other people apparently realized she needed help but, to me, she didn't deserve it.  I wanted to be left alone with my successful friend instead.  

Whether the dream was a message from God or a message from my subconscious is debatable.  But I do feel that it's significant.

Looking at the Symbolism

Mary Saying Yes to God

And in the sixth month, the angel Gabriel was sent from God into a city of Galilee, called Nazareth, To a virgin espoused to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David; and the virgin's name was Mary. And the angel being come in, said unto her: Hail, full of grace, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women. Who having heard, was troubled at his saying, and thought with herself what manner of salutation this should be. And the angel said to her: Fear not, Mary, for thou hast found grace with God.

Behold thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and shalt bring forth a son; and thou shalt call his name Jesus. [32] He shall be great, and shall be called the Son of the most High; and the Lord God shall give unto him the throne of David his father; and he shall reign in the house of Jacob for ever. And of his kingdom there shall be no end. And Mary said to the angel: How shall this be done, because I know not man? And the angel answering, said to her: The Holy Ghost shall come upon thee, and the power of the most High shall overshadow thee. And therefore also the Holy which shall be born of thee shall be called the Son of God.

And behold thy cousin Elizabeth, she also hath conceived a son in her old age; and this is the sixth month with her that is called barren: Because no word shall be impossible with God. And Mary said: Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it done to me according to thy word. And the angel departed from her.  

- Luke 1: 26-38  (Douay Rheims Bible)

You can listen to the SSPX (Society of St. Pius the X) Consecration (of Russia) Prayer as spoken by Bishop Fellay below at 44:19: