I love this painting even though my favorite wise man, St. Balthasar, is white (and it looks a little like St. Melchior might be saying something like 'I got your toe.")
Let not your heart be troubled. You believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house there are many mansions. If not, I would have told you: because I go to prepare a place for you. And if I shall go, and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and will take you to myself... - John 14:1-3 (DR)
About Interior Castle
Or maybe it's more accurate to say that what pertains to me personally is mostly in the beginning. So that's what I'm going to write about here.
About St. Teresa of Avila
St. Teresa of Avila was a leader and reformer of the Carmelite Orders of both women and men and the first female Doctor of the Catholic Church. She was courageous. She was articulate. And she was devoted to God.
St. Teresa was born in Ávila, Spain in 1515. She was a noblewoman whose paternal grandfather was a marrano (or forced Jewish convert to Christianity). At age 20, she entered the Carmelite Order. She read widely throughout her life. Her writing include an autobiography (The Life of St. Teresa of Jesus), The Way of Perfection and Interior Castle.
When St. Teresa began Interior Castle on Trinity Sunday, June 2nd, 1577, she was already on the radar of the Inquisitors. That may be why she is self-effacing, in the writing that follows, calling herself foolhardy or wretched, a mere woman writing for her fellow sisters only because women understand other women best.
Or that may be how she actually thought of herself. She was humble, after all. A saint.
And a mystic.
There is a lot about mysticism I don't understand but there are couple of things that I notice in St. Teresa's writing. My first observation is that legitimate mystical experience requires an unusually high degree of personal sanctity. The second is that mysticism calls for an intense and unwavering desire to get as close to God as is humanly possible.
That St. Teresa had such a desire from a young age, is obvious. We can see it in the story of how she set out for land of the Moors, as a child of seven, in order to be martyred and then see heaven. And we can see that same dedication shining through the words that she wrote.
The Interior Castle Framework
I began to think of the soul as if it were a castle made of a single diamond or of very clear crystal, in which there are many rooms, just as in Heaven there are many Mansions. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle
While St. Teresa often speaks of multiple castles or mansions the model she uses is one of rooms or levels in a greater castle which is ruled by God. The rooms are numbered one through seven, but are at the same time innumerable.
St. Teresa is clear in saying that the castle itself is something which we should not expect to ever understand fully.
...there is no point in our fatiguing ourselves by attempting to comprehend the beauty of this castle...the very fact that His Majesty says it is made in His image means that we can hardly form any conception of the soul's great dignity and beauty. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle
We also are shown that we should not think of the various floors or chambers in a strictly linear way.
Let us now imagine that this castle, as I have said, contains many mansions, some above, others below, others at each side; and in the center and midst of them all is the chiefest mansion where the most secret things pass between God and the soul. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle
Entering into the Castle
The chambers that St. Teresa describes are beautifully and progressively filled with light but they are not, even on the lowest level, accessible to everyone.
...there are souls so infirm and so accustomed to busying themselves with outside affairs that nothing can be done for them, and it seems as thought they are incapable of entering with themselves at all. So accustomed have they grown to living all the time with the reptiles and other creature to be found in the outer court of the castle that they have almost become like them; and although by nature they are so richly endowed as to have the power of holding converse with none other than God Himself, there is nothing that can be done for them. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle
While not everyone can enter the castle, those who do will come through the doorway of prayer.
As far as I can understand, the door of entry into this castle is prayer and meditation: I do not say mental prayer rather than vocal for, if it is prayer at all, it must be accompanied by meditation. If a person does not think Whom he is addressing ...I do not consider that he is praying at all even though he be constantly moving his lips. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle
Leaving behind the poor "paralyzed souls" who are unable to gain entry, St. Teresa moves on to talk about those in a second group who may (or may not) enter in. St. Theresa describes them as people who...
...are very much absorbed in worldly affairs; but their desires are good; sometimes, though infrequently they commend themselves to Our Lord and they think about the state of their souls, though not very carefully. Full of a thousand preoccupations as they are, they pray on a few times a month and as a rule they are thinking all the time of their preoccupations, for the are very much attached to them, and, where their treasure is there is their heart. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle
To my mind, this describes most of us. But I found that encouraging because it also holds out the hope that those who develop a true awareness of their worldly state may achieve ground level access.
The First Castle
From time to time, however they shake their mind free of them [meaning their worldly concerns] and it is a great thing that they should know themselves well enough to realize that they are not going the right way to reach the castle door. Eventually they enter the first rooms on the lowest floor, but so many reptiles get in with them they are unable to appreciate the beautify of the castle or to find any peace within it. Still they have done a good deal by entering at all. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle
The idea that we can be within the castle but still caught up in worldly desires highlights the fact that entry is only a beginning.
You must note that the light which comes from the palace occupied by the King hardly reaches these first Mansions at all; for, although they are not dark and black, as...the soul...in a state of sin, they are to some extent darkened ... because ... snakes and vipers and poisonous creatures .... have come in with the soul .... [and] prevent it from seeing the light. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle
My Reaction
Remember that in few of the mansions of this castle are we free from struggles with devils ... it is most important that we should not cease to be watchful against the devil's wiles, lest he deceive in the guise of an angel of light. For there are a multitude of ways in which he can deceive us, and gradually make his way into the castle, and until he is actually there we do not realize it. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle
I think about the poisonous reptiles in my waking life.
Full of a thousand preoccupations as they are, they pray only a few times a month and as a rule they are thinking all the time of their preoccupations, for the are very much attached to them, and, where their treasure is there is their heart.
I think about my own attachments and feel quite sure that I am part of the ground level group St. Teresa describes above.
I remember how spiritually advanced I imagined myself to be when I was involved in the new age and the occult. I find it interesting that now, having returned to the Church, I'm struck by how spiritually remedial I actually am.
My Application
I set aside Interior Castle and take a short personal inventory. I come up with seven behaviors that I would like to change. And I know that I'm right to want to change them. These are things that stand between me and God or at the very least show that I don't really trust him.
This is how I know that I am over my head with Interior Castle. While I know that I will read the rest of it anyway, I also know that it's the first chapter I need to focus on. I remember that St. Teresa said we enter the castle through the doorway of prayer so I know that prayer is the key.
I order a book that Fr. Chad Ripperger recommends called The Ways of Mental Prayer. It promises an explanation of contemplative prayer that is based on of the work of St. Teresa of Avila, St. John of the Cross, St. Francis de Sales and others.
I think about the Interior Castle a lot over the next couple of days. I know it's not especially impressive to find myself stuck in the entryway to St. Teresa's beautiful palace. But to me it feels like a discovery.
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There are several versions of Interior Castle available. The one I've linked in this post is the Dover Thrift Edition ($4.99).
I've been thinking about writing my testimony for some time now. Not because I want to necessarily but because I feel that my experience of spiritual light and spiritual darkness is a story I need to tell in full.
When it comes to the actual writing, however, I flounder. I pray about it. I try to write it. I give up. Then the cycle starts again.
Sometimes I decide it is not worth doing and step away from it entirely. At other times I get ideas about how I might be able to make it work and start to feel like I can actually do it.
This week was an idea week.
The idea was that I could base the testimony around the dreams have influenced me the most and how sometimes that influence is supernatural in origin.
The idea feels right to me because dreams have played such a big role in my life. So I decided to look at the dreams I'd shared in this blog. I was especially struck by A Dream About Me?
In reading that dream, two things jumped out at me. The first was that it seemed to be about me telling my story. The second was that it also seemed to be about how I needed to accept my authentic self, which I've been doing lately, in this blog and elsewhere, but was definitely not doing then.
I'm not sure, to be honest, if I will ever publish this book. But I do feel that looking at the role dreams played in my journey is worth doing. I will be sharing some of what I learn in a future post.
The Ghost of Tauriana
Bishop Felix…said that he had been told of such a case by a saintly priest who was still living two years ago in the diocese of Centum Cellae as pastor of the Church of St. John in Tauriana [Italy]. This priest used to bathe in the hot springs of Tauriana whenever his health required. One day, as he entered the baths, he found a stranger there who showed himself most helpful in every way possible, by unlatching his shoes, taking care of his clothes, and furnishing him towels after the hot bath.After several experiences of this kind, the priest said the himself: ‘It would not do for me to appear ungrateful to this man who is so devoted in his kind services to me. I must reward him in some way.’ So one day he took along two crown-shaped loaves of bread to give him.When he arrived at the place, the man was already waiting for him and rendered the same services he had before. After the bath, when the priest was again fully dressed and ready to leave, he offered the man the present of bread, asking him kindly to accept it as a blessing, for it was offered a token of charity.But the man sighed mournfully and said, "Why do you give it to me, Father? That bread is holy and I cannot eat it. I who stand before you was once the owner of this place. It is because of my sins that I was sent back here as a servant. If you wish to do something for me, then offer this bread to almighty God, and so make intercession for me, a sinner. When you come back and do not find me here, you will know that your prayers have been heard."With these words he disappeared, thus showing that he was a spirit disguised as a man. The priest spent the entire week in prayer and tearful supplications, offering Mass for him daily. When he returned to the bath, the man was no longer to be found. This incident points out the great benefits souls derive from the Sacrifice of the Mass. Because of these benefits the dead ask us, the living, to have Masses offered for them, and even show us by signs that it was through the Mass that they were pardoned.
My Takeaway
Making Amends
Amends is a synonym of reparation. As nouns the difference between reparation and amends is that reparation is (usually in plural) a payment of time, effort or money to undo past transgression(s) while amends is compensation for a loss or injury; recompense; reparation.
Purgatory on Earth?
"A very probable opinion,” says St. Thomas, “and one which, moreover, corresponds with the words of the saints in particular revelation, is that Purgatory has a double place for expiation. The first will be destined for the generality of souls, and is situated below, near to Hell; the second will be for particular cases, and it is from thence that so many apparitions occur.” (Suppl., part. 3, ques. ult.). The holy Doctor admits, then, like so many others who share his opinions, that sometimes Divine Justice assigns a special place of purification to certain souls, and even permits them to appear either to instruct the living or to procure for the departed the suffrages of which they stand in need; sometimes also for other motives worthy of the wisdom and mercy of God.
What Spirits Want
- The conversation between the living and the dead was limited to the topic of sin, making amends and the request for prayer and Masses. The priest in the story didn't try to contact the spirit again in order to satisfy his own curiosity. Instead, this man of God immediately turned to prayer and supplication and the offering of the Mass. This, in my opinion, is a lesson to us all.
- The spirit said he had been sent to the bathhouse. This is consistent with the fact that the departed appear to us ONLY by the grace of God. They do not chose to be here. We do not summon them. Nor do we see them because we have some special ability that others lack. It is up to God to assign a departed soul to heaven, hell or purgatory. And it is up to Him to allow them to contact the living (though, judging from Luke 16:19-31, it seems that those in hell are not granted this privilege).
- The departed could not eat and, in this case, was unable to take the "holy bread." To me, this sounds like a reminder that the dead cannot receive the Host. This lines up with the Catholic teaching on purgatory, as I understand it. In contrast with our earthly life, once in purgatory we cannot actively develop virtue, but are only able to be passively purified of sin. This is why the holy souls in purgatory need our prayers!
- The Dialogues of St. Gregory (affiliate link) is available on Amazon as is Purgatory Explained (affiliate link) by Rev. Fr. F. X. Schouppe S.J. The Dialogues can also be found for free online.
- Please note that if you purchase through one of my affiliate links, I may earn a small commission at no cost to you.
This is my herb garden circa 2015. Yes it is modest and right now it is a mess. But I wanted to share this image AND a commitment to share more pics when it is as I imagine it will be later this summer.
I began the 54 Day Rosary Novena on March 3rd and then, just a few days later, received this beautiful rosary (won in a Twitter giveaway) pictured above. The creator is entering Carmel to embark upon her vocation as a nun. That alone makes it special but I love this rosary for other reasons as well.
I love the fact that it is a St. Therese of Lisieux rosary, with relic. And I was very moved by the centerpiece - because it taught me about the martyrs of Compiègne: a group of sixteen nuns who were executed during the French revolution because they would not renounce their vocation.
About the Carmelites of Compiègne (martyred in 1794): "On 17 July they were... sentenced to death by guillotine. Providentially, they were wearing their outlawed religious habits, since their only secular clothes were being washed on the day of the trial." - From Carmelite Nuns UK Website
I have a pretty typical American mongrel pedigree (English, Scottish, German and Native American) so I don't feel a strong connection to any of the countries my ancestors left behind when they came to America. But for some reason I keep making connections to France in my journey of faith.
Our Lady of Lourdes played a role in my conversion. I chose St. Jane Frances de Chantal as my confirmation saint because I was a young single mom (like her) when I became a Catholic. I picked St. Joan of Arc to be the patron saint of my business because I so admired her devotion and courage. I have recently been reading content by Archbishop Marcel Lefebvre and other related (oftentimes French) SSPX resources.
And I keep tripping over St. Therese of Lisieux - in my readings, at flea markets and, now, in this rosary.
Realizing, through all this, how little I knew really about my confirmation saint, I started reading a bit about the Salesians (an order founded by St. John Bosco and connected to St. Francis de Sales and St. Jane de Chantel) this week.
One of the first things I stumbled across was the fact that St. Margaret Mary Alacoque (of Sacred Heart of Jesus fame) was a member of this same order. This is of interest to me because I love the Sacred Heart devotion and St. Margaret Mary. I also think it's interesting that St. Jane Francis's great spiritual friend, St. Francis de Sales, is the patron saint of writers).
This is not to say - of course! - that French saints (or Catholics) are any better than those from any other country. But I am beginning to think that at this point in my spiritual journey there may be something I'm meant to learn from them.
I will be sharing more on this in the weeks and months to come!
A New Perspective on Prayer
A Place to Pray
Creating Space
Listen to Fr. Ripperger's videos on Meditation:
One of the Gregorian chant videos I like to listen to while praying.
About My Grandmother
My paternal grandmother was a widow before I was born. And while I didn't realize it when I was a child, I don't think she had a lot of extra money. I guess that's why instead of visiting often or even calling on the phone she sent me things. Like letters and clippings and eventually a binder.
The binder came with only a couple pages but then she started sending me more pages to fill it. And so several times a year I'd receive a package of 2 or 3 or 4 photo album pages filled with brightly colored pictures.
Those pictures weren't anything special by ordinary standards. Most were simply cut from magazines and carefully arranged under the plastic film that covered each page in the album. But somehow those pages impressed me so much that I still remember the pictures. A pile of leaves raked up by group of kids. A little dog in a bright red coat. A school bus in the rain.
My grandmother came to visit us once or twice a year and when she did she slept in the spare room next to mine. And I remember how one Christmas Eve we sat together on the bed in that room while she told me the story of the nativity. I will never forget the chills that ran up and down my spine when she told me the story of nativity.
And I have long thought that the presence that was there with us in the room that night was angelic in nature.
My Grandmother's Gift
The next day, on Christmas, my grandmother gave me a little white Bible. I don't remember getting it and I suspect it didn't impress me as much as the other presents I received. But I did read it - off and on, all through my childhood.
I would like to say that I kept reading that Bible or that it was one of my prized possessions but that would not be accurate. What is accurate is that my life veered off the rails and I returned to the Bible my grandmother had infrequently. and that it spent most of the years between now and then in a succession of dresser drawers and boxes.
And yet, somehow, out of the things that mattered more and all things that have come and gone, that little Bible is one of the few things I've hung on to.
In 2012 I moved into a new (old) house. I was still deeply involved in New Age spirituality. But when I was unpacking I decided to put the Bible my grandmother gave me into my china cabinet alongside my tarot cards and crystals.
And, in 2017, when I began to make my way back to the Faith those things went the way of other mistakes, great and small, and the little white Bible stayed.
And there were in the same country shepherds watching, and keeping the night watches over their flock. And behold an angel of the Lord stood by them, and the brightness of God shone round about them; and they feared with a great fear. And the angel said to them: Fear not; for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy... - St. Luke 2:8-10
Our family watched the film "Fatima" recently and I, for one, was very impressed with it. Maybe it was because of all the negative things I'd heard about the movie. Or maybe it was something else.
It was true, as many have said, that the movie minimized that the gravity of the Blessed Mother's message, the true nature of the miracle of the sun and the cruelties the children endured. In my estimation, it is also true that this does weaken the film.
But in most other ways, the story was very true to the actual events. The acting, particularly on the part of the young visionaries, was wonderful. The three visions were portrayed in a fairly accurate way. And the representation of the Blessed Mother was handled well, in my opinion.
I'm not sure why the producers decided to play down certain aspects of the apparitions but the end result was a movie that anyone (Catholic or non-Catholic) of any age could enjoy. To me, this was no small thing.
I was wary of choosing "Fatima" for our weekly family movie matinee because I was worried that it would be too religious for some. But this was not the case. Everyone liked it.
The movie could have been more powerful, yes. But it touched me anyway. I cried at the end and after it was over, I resolved to learn more about Our Lady of Fatima.
And I have been.
To me, this is a good result. Good enough to make me think that it wasn't so much the film that moved me, as it was the Our Lady herself.
Either way, I'm going to share a bit about what I'm learning in future posts!
Here is the trailer:
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"Fatima" is free on Netflix and available for purchase on other video platforms.
Then Herod, privately calling the wise men learned diligently of them the time of the star which appeared to them...who having heard the king, went their way; and behold the star which they had seen in the east, went before them, until it came and stood over where the child was. And seeing the star they rejoiced with exceeding great joy. And entering into the house, they found the child with Mary his mother, and falling down they adored him; and opening their treasures, they offered him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh. - Matthew 2:7,9-11
About Epiphany
Today January 6th is the feast of Epiphany. This feast follows 12th Night (as in the 12 days of Christmas) and commemorates the visit of the magi or kings to the Baby Jesus.
The word epiphany comes a Greek root that means to show, display or manifest to others.
The three kings came from the east (most likely pagan Persia) to honor the child Jesus. This is considered a sign, i.e. manifestation, that Jesus was the king not only of the Jews but of the entire world.
The feast is celebrated on the Sunday after January 1st in the U.S. So I did my Epiphany house blessing in Sunday but decided to repeat it today on the traditional date.
About the Blessing
The blessing may be done by a priest or the head of the household. Taking a piece of blessed chalk the phrase 20 + C + M + B + 22 (for this year 2022) is written above or on the upper part of the main door.
The letters represent the traditional initials of the three kings (Caspar, Malchior, and Balthazar) as well as the Latin phrase, Christus mansionem benedicat or “May Christ bless the house.”
The “+” signs represent the cross, and the “20” at the beginning and “22” represent the year. In other words the blessing is a request for Christ to bless our homes and be with us through the year.
You can do your house blessing following the info in the booklet pictured here, adding Christus mansionem benedicat if you wish, as I did.
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The images in this post are from the beautiful Epiphany house blessing kit our pastor provided us with on Sunday.
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