Let not your heart be troubled. You believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house there are many mansions. If not, I would have told you: because I go to prepare a place for you. And if I shall go, and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and will take you to myself...  - John 14:1-3 (DR)

About Interior Castle

About St. Teresa of Avila

The Interior Castle Framework

I began to think of the soul as if it were a castle made of a single diamond or of very clear crystal, in which there are many rooms, just as in Heaven there are many Mansions. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle

...there is no point in our fatiguing ourselves by attempting to comprehend the beauty of this castle...the very fact that His Majesty says it is made in His image means that we can hardly form any conception of the soul's great dignity and beauty. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle

Let us now imagine that this castle, as I have said, contains many mansions, some above, others below, others at each side; and in the center and midst of them all is the chiefest mansion where the most secret things pass between God and the soul.  - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle

Entering into the Castle

...there are souls so infirm and so accustomed to busying themselves with outside affairs that nothing can be done for them, and it seems as thought they are incapable of entering with themselves at all. So accustomed have they grown to living all the time with the reptiles and other creature to be found in the outer court of the castle that they have almost become like them; and although by nature they are so richly endowed as to have the power of holding converse with none other than God Himself, there is nothing that can be done for them.  - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle

As far as I can understand, the door of entry into this castle is prayer and meditation: I do not say mental prayer rather than vocal for, if it is prayer at all, it must be accompanied by meditation. If a person does not think Whom he is addressing ...I do not consider that he is praying at all even though he be constantly moving his lips.  - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle

...are very much absorbed in worldly affairs; but their desires are good; sometimes, though infrequently they commend themselves to Our Lord and they think about the state of their souls, though not very carefully. Full of a thousand preoccupations as they are, they pray on a few times a month and as a rule they are thinking all the time of their preoccupations, for the are very much attached to them, and, where their treasure is there is their heart.  - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle

The First Castle

From time to time, however they shake their mind free of them [meaning their worldly concerns] and it is a great thing that they should know themselves well enough to realize that they are not going the right way to reach the castle door. Eventually they enter the first rooms on the lowest floor, but so many reptiles get in with them they are unable to appreciate the beautify of the castle or to find any peace within it. Still they have done a good deal by entering at all. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle

You must note that the light which comes from the palace occupied by the King hardly reaches these first Mansions at all; for, although they are not dark and black, as...the soul...in a state of sin, they are to some extent darkened ... because ... snakes and vipers and poisonous creatures .... have come in with the soul .... [and] prevent it from seeing the light. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle

My Reaction

Remember that in few of the mansions of this castle are we free from struggles with devils ... it is most important that we should not cease to be watchful against the devil's wiles, lest he deceive in the guise of an angel of light. For there are a multitude of ways in which he can deceive us, and gradually make his way into the castle, and until he is actually there we do not realize it.  - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle

Full of a thousand preoccupations as they are, they pray only a few times a month and as a rule they are thinking all the time of their preoccupations, for the are very much attached to them, and, where their treasure is there is their heart.

My Application

When it comes to the actual writing, however, I flounder.  I pray about it.  I try to write it.  I give up.  Then the cycle starts again.

Sometimes I decide it is not worth doing and step away from it entirely.  At other times I get ideas about how I might be able to make it work and start to feel like I can actually do it.  

This week was an idea week.

The idea was that I could base the testimony around the dreams have influenced me the most and how sometimes that influence is supernatural in origin. 

The idea feels right to me because dreams have played such a big role in my life.  So I decided to look at the  dreams I'd shared in this blog.  I was especially struck by A Dream About Me?

In reading that dream, two things jumped out at me.  The first was that it seemed to be about me telling my story.  The second was that it also seemed to be about how I needed to accept my authentic self, which I've been doing lately, in this blog and elsewhere, but was definitely not doing then.  

I'm not sure, to be honest, if I will ever publish this book.  But I do feel that looking at the role dreams played in my journey is worth doing.  I will be sharing some of what I learn in a future post.

The Ghost of Tauriana 

Bishop Felix…said that he had been told of such a case by a saintly priest who was still living two years ago in the diocese of Centum Cellae as pastor of the Church of St. John in Tauriana [Italy]. This priest used to bathe in the hot springs of Tauriana whenever his health required. One day, as he entered the baths, he found a stranger there who showed himself most helpful in every way possible, by unlatching his shoes, taking care of his clothes, and furnishing him towels after the hot bath.

After several experiences of this kind, the priest said the himself: ‘It would not do for me to appear ungrateful to this man who is so devoted in his kind services to me. I must reward him in some way.’ So one day he took along two crown-shaped loaves of bread to give him.

When he arrived at the place, the man was already waiting for him and rendered the same services he had before. After the bath, when the priest was again fully dressed and ready to leave, he offered the man the present of bread, asking him kindly to accept it as a blessing, for it was offered a token of charity.

But the man sighed mournfully and said, "Why do you give it to me, Father? That bread is holy and I cannot eat it. I who stand before you was once the owner of this place. It is because of my sins that I was sent back here as a servant. If you wish to do something for me, then offer this bread to almighty God, and so make intercession for me, a sinner. When you come back and do not find me here, you will know that your prayers have been heard."

With these words he disappeared, thus showing that he was a spirit disguised as a man. The priest spent the entire week in prayer and tearful supplications, offering Mass for him daily. When he returned to the bath, the man was no longer to be found. This incident points out the great benefits souls derive from the Sacrifice of the Mass. Because of these benefits the dead ask us, the living, to have Masses offered for them, and even show us by signs that it was through the Mass that they were pardoned.

My Takeaway

Making Amends

I love the fact that it is a St. Therese of Lisieux rosary, with relic.  And I was very moved by the centerpiece - because it taught me about the martyrs of Compiègne: a group of sixteen nuns who were executed during the French revolution because they would not renounce their vocation.

About the Carmelites of Compiègne (martyred in 1794):  "On 17 July they were... sentenced to death by guillotine.  Providentially, they were wearing their outlawed religious habits, since their only secular clothes were being washed on the day of the trial." - From Carmelite Nuns UK Website

I have a pretty typical American mongrel pedigree (English, Scottish, German and Native American) so I don't feel a strong connection to any of the countries my ancestors left behind when they came to America.  But for some reason I keep making connections to France in my journey of faith.

Our Lady of Lourdes played a role in my conversion.  I chose St. Jane Frances de Chantal as my confirmation saint because I was a young single mom (like her) when I became a Catholic.  I picked St. Joan of Arc to be the patron saint of my business because I so admired her devotion and courage.  I have recently been reading content by Archbishop Marcel Lefebvre and other related (oftentimes French) SSPX resources.  

And I keep tripping over St. Therese of Lisieux - in my readings, at flea markets and, now, in this rosary.

Realizing, through all this, how little I knew really about my confirmation saint, I started reading a bit about the Salesians (an order founded by St. John Bosco and connected to St. Francis de Sales and St. Jane de Chantel) this week.  

One of the first things I stumbled across was the fact that St. Margaret Mary Alacoque (of Sacred Heart of Jesus fame) was a member of this same order.  This is of interest to me because I love the Sacred Heart devotion and St. Margaret Mary.  I also think it's interesting that St. Jane Francis's great spiritual friend, St. Francis de Sales, is the patron saint of writers).

This is not to say - of course! - that French saints (or Catholics) are any better than those from any other country.  But I am beginning to think that at this point in my spiritual journey there may be something I'm meant to learn from them.  

I will be sharing more on this in the weeks and months to come!

rmelite-martyrs-of-compiegne/

About My Grandmother

My paternal grandmother was a widow before I was born.  And while I didn't realize it when I was a child, I don't think she had a lot of extra money.  I guess that's why instead of visiting often or even calling on the phone she sent me things. Like letters and clippings and eventually a binder.

The binder came with only a couple pages but then she started sending me more pages to fill it.  And so several times a year I'd receive a package of 2 or 3 or 4 photo album pages filled with brightly colored pictures.

Those pictures weren't anything special by ordinary standards.  Most were simply cut from magazines and carefully arranged under the plastic film that covered each page in the album.  But somehow those pages impressed me so much that I still remember the pictures.  A pile of leaves raked up by group of kids.  A little dog in a bright red coat.  A school bus in the rain.

My grandmother came to visit us once or twice a year and when she did she slept in the spare room next to mine.  And I remember how one Christmas Eve we sat together on the bed in that room while she told me the story of the nativity. I will never forget the chills that ran up and down my spine when she told me the story of nativity.

And I have long thought that the presence that was there with us in the room that night was angelic in nature.

My Grandmother's Gift

The next day, on Christmas, my grandmother gave me a little white Bible.  I don't remember getting it and I suspect it didn't impress me as much as the other presents I received.  But I did read it -  off and on, all through my childhood.

I would like to say that I kept reading that Bible or that it was one of my prized possessions but that would not be accurate. What is accurate is that my life veered off the rails and I returned to the Bible my grandmother had infrequently. and that it spent most of the years between now and then in a succession of dresser drawers and boxes.

And yet, somehow, out of the things that mattered more and all things that have come and gone, that little Bible is one of the few things I've hung on to.

In 2012 I moved into a new (old) house. I was still deeply involved in New Age spirituality.  But when I was unpacking I decided to put the Bible my grandmother gave me into my china cabinet alongside my tarot cards and crystals.

And, in 2017, when I began to make my way back to the Faith those things went the way of other mistakes, great and small, and the little white Bible stayed.

And there were in the same country shepherds watching, and keeping the night watches over their flock.  And behold an angel of the Lord stood by them, and the brightness of God shone round about them; and they feared with a great fear.  And the angel said to them: Fear not; for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy... -  St. Luke 2:8-10

It was true, as many have said, that the movie minimized that the gravity of the Blessed Mother's message,  the true nature of the miracle of the sun and the cruelties the children endured.  In my estimation, it is also true that this does weaken the film.  

But in most other ways, the story was very true to the actual events.  The acting, particularly on the part of the young visionaries, was wonderful.  The three visions were portrayed in a fairly accurate way.  And the representation of the Blessed Mother was handled well, in  my opinion.

I'm not sure why the producers decided to play down certain aspects of the apparitions but the end result was a movie that anyone (Catholic or non-Catholic) of any age could enjoy.  To me, this was no small thing. 

I was wary of choosing "Fatima" for our weekly family movie matinee because I was worried that it would be too religious for some.  But this was not the case.  Everyone liked it.  

The movie could have been more powerful, yes.  But it touched me anyway.  I cried at the end and after it was over, I resolved to learn more about Our Lady of Fatima.  

And I have been.

To me, this is a good result.  Good enough to make me think that it wasn't so much the film that moved me, as it was the Our Lady herself.

Either way, I'm going to share a bit about what I'm learning in future posts!

Here is the trailer:

Then Herod, privately calling the wise men learned diligently of them the time of the star which appeared to them...who having heard the king, went their way; and behold the star which they had seen in the east, went before them, until it came and stood over where the child was. And seeing the star they rejoiced with exceeding great joy.  And entering into the house, they found the child with Mary his mother, and falling down they adored him; and opening their treasures, they offered him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh.  - Matthew 2:7,9-11

About Epiphany

Today January 6th is the feast of Epiphany.  This feast follows 12th Night (as in the 12 days of Christmas) and commemorates the visit of the magi or kings to the Baby Jesus.  

The word epiphany comes a Greek root that means to show, display or manifest to others.

The three kings came from the east (most likely pagan Persia) to honor the child Jesus.  This is considered a sign, i.e. manifestation, that Jesus was the king not only of the Jews but of the entire world.

The feast is celebrated on the Sunday after January 1st in the U.S.  So I did my Epiphany house blessing in Sunday but decided to repeat it today on the traditional date.

About the Blessing

The blessing may be done by a priest or the head of the household.  Taking a piece of blessed chalk the phrase 20 + C + M + B + 22 (for this year 2022) is written above or on the upper part of the main door.

The letters represent the traditional initials of the three kings (Caspar, Malchior, and Balthazar) as well as the Latin phrase, Christus mansionem benedicat or “May Christ bless the house.” 

The “+” signs represent the cross, and the “20” at the beginning and “22” represent the year. In other words the blessing is a request for Christ to bless our homes and be with us through the year.

You can do your house blessing following the info in the booklet pictured here, adding Christus mansionem benedicat if you wish, as I did.

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The images in this post are from the beautiful Epiphany house blessing kit our pastor provided us with on Sunday.