My Struggle
I worked on the long form of my nonfiction book all last week and by Friday I was ready to give up on it - with only one chapter left to write.
But it wasn't that last unwritten chapter that was at fault. It was another chapter - Chapter 7 - where I talk about my time as an Evangelical Protestant. Or try.
And the story isn't even all that complicated.
This is the short version:
My Experience
I returned to Christianity in 2017. This was around the same time that New Age guru Doreen Virtue had renounced her previous work and become a born-again Christian. I didn't know that then and it didn't play a part in my decision, but it did influence me later.
Doreen Virtue talked a lot about what she had given up in order to become a Christian and while my New Age business was a lot smaller than hers I got it. The metaphysical articles I was writing for the Mystic Review were receiving thousands of views a day and my home-based card reading business was growing. I taught tarot at a local holistic center, ran a couple of different groups, and a had made friends locally in both New Age and occult circles.
On top of that, my New Age persona had become my identity. So when I returned to Christianity, I was trying to figure out where I might fit in.
I joined a few of the Evangelical Protestant Facebook groups run by Doreen's fellow "New Age to Christianity" co-authors and others. I listened to what was said by the New Age to Christianity crowd and other Reform-leaning Evangelicals on Facebook and YouTube. I read books by John McArthur other Evangelical authors.
I began to believe what I was hearing. And the thing I was hearing the most was that the Bible contained the full and complete deposit of faith and that the Catholic Church had completely disregarded this stand-alone resource in order to "make up" her own doctrine.
This belief was possible only because I didn't know anything really about the Church I'd left behind some 20 years earlier.
But I was not entirely comfortable with Protestantism across the board.
My Issues with Protestant Beliefs
I couldn’t help noticing that there was a lot of disagreement among Protestants about the interpretation of Scripture. And I sometimes felt that Bible passages were used out of context in order to prove a point.
I found idea that once we’re saved; we're guaranteed a place in heaven, no matter what, hard to accept.
But the thing that bothered me the most was the idea that God had stopped providing private spiritual revelation at the close of the first century. Especially because I knew for a fact that the enemy could, and did, reveal all kinds of things to humans in order to ensnare them.
To me, the idea that Satan could exert more influence over us than God, didn't seem right. And I believed then, and now, that God did give me a nudge from time to time.
So I was glad to discover John Wesley and the charismatic Protestant denominations. I parted ways with the Evangelicals. I went on to join a Pentecostal church where everyone believed that God was still talking.
I liked being a Pentecostal. But I still couldn't help feeling that there had to be more to getting to heaven than a single salvation experience.
This wasn't what brought me back to Church. That was God's doing. But, in my heart, I knew my objections were valid.
Trying to Write About This in My Nonfiction Book
I have a lot of clarity about Protestantism and why it didn't work for me. I don't have any trouble talking about it on the podcast or on YouTube. I don't even mind writing about it here in the blog.
I also think there are a lot good things in the Protestant denominations. It was the Protestants who taught me how to love Scripture. Not the Catholics. And that is no small thing.
So I was very clear on what I wanted to say about my experience as a Protestant. But when I sat down to edit what I'd already Chapter 7 of my testimony, I felt so overwhelmed that I began to wonder if I shouldn't just forget about writing the testimony altogether, and move on to something else.
But I still felt called. So I decided to pray about it.
I asked my guardian angel to illuminate my intellect. I asked Mary to intercede on my behalf. I asked Jesus to show me if writing my testimony was, or wasn't, part of His plan.
And then, I listened to Women of Grace on EWTN.
Which is something I rarely do.
The First Door
The Second Door
The Third Door
I think that when we have a desire on our heart - and this is just... good advice for everyone. When we have a deep desire on our heart I think it's beautiful to take that before the Lord and to ask Him... to help us to see - is this coming from... a prompting of the Holy Spirit or is it coming from myself? [Because] every Ministry that God raises up, He raises up for a purpose. [So] when we have a desire and we know that it's a holy desire, then we assume that the Holy Spirit is prompting. And as I always told the Lord - especially when He was leading me to give Fiat to what it is that I do today (and I didn't know what it was I just had this tremendous desire that was burning in me I thought my heart would burst... [and] I wanted to do whatever it was...) I made a promise to Him - and I've lived by this promise - and that is: I will walk through every door that You open. You open the door and I will walk through. - Johnnette Williams, Women of Grace Episode August 28, 2023
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