I’m not sure when the vision I called a "waking dream"* first started, but it came and went throughout my twenties and thirties. And it was always the same.

I would be fast asleep when an overwhelming fearfulness would shock me awake. When I opened my eyes, the dark shape was there, shapeless but malignant. Absolutely black against the lesser darkness of my room. 

I would scramble backwards in bed, pressing myself up against the headboard as if I could somehow push myself through the wall and into the next room.   

By then, I was completely awake. But the shape would remain, hovering ominously next to the ceiling. I would fumble for the lamp in a panic, but even after I got it on, the dark shape would persist for several agonizing moments before it dissolved slowly into the light.

My ex-husband never saw it. But other people did, including our upstairs tenant and a no-nonsense handyman who told me in all seriousness that our house was haunted. People in that house, and the one we would live in next, often felt like they were being watched, mechanical toys turned on on their own, electronics failed unexpectedly, and the clear sound of a woman laughing was heard by two individuals at the same time.

In both locations, my middle boy was subject to night terrors so extreme that he would wake up screaming. In the completely unretouched picture (above), you can see him, completely overshadowed by a hovering black shape.

______________

The Dream Gate Dream

A couple of weeks ago, I had a dream about a high ancient-looking stone wall. The wall was covered with vines and there was a recessed rustic plank gate or doorway. The overall effect was medieval and charming. 

It might have been dusk or overcast in the dream but I could see everything clearly. Just above the doorway, I saw a symbol that looked like a triquetra. I even exclaimed (in the dream) "that's a triquetra," except I actually said "trifecta," as in horse racing, because things get garbled for me in dreams. Either way, I was excited because I love all things Celtic, so I woke up in the middle of the night and recorded the dream (and drew the symbol) in my dream journal.

Earlier that month, I’d been told that ancient dreamers were always on the lookout for gateways in their dreams. Since my impression in the dream was that I was seeing a wall, not a building, I felt that what looked like a door to modern eyes was technically a gate.  

So I made myself go back to sleep and back into the dream. I found the door again easily and everything was the same—except that instead of the symbol above the door, there was a long narrow sign with lettering. 

Annoyingly, I find it hard to read in dreams and I couldn’t read the sign. I woke up again and wrote down the second dream and went back to sleep, but I didn't go back to the door, that night, or go through it. 

When I woke up the next morning I was thinking how nice it was that I dreamt about the triquetra which I remembered as representing the Trinity and the Welsh triads and other pleasant things. Then I looked at my dream journal and saw that the symbol I had drawn had three interlocking triangles instead of three loops. 

I was pretty sure I remembered the triangle symbol from a passing interest Germanic mythology. I thought it was probably Scandinavian and when I googled it, there it was. 

It was not a triquetra. It was a valknot.

No one is absolutely sure what the valknot symbolizes. Due to its presence on Old Norse funerary items, however, it has been associated with the dead. My thoughts on the dream in light of this particular symbol were that this door is closed and maybe it should stay closed. Or maybe not. 

One Gate, Two Perspectives?

And so I say to you, you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church, and the gates of the netherworld shall not prevail against it. —Matthew 18:18

Then Holy Week came and I noticed another gate / doorway in the Icon of the Resurrection which is traditionally displayed in Eastern Christian churches at Easter.

The Icon of the Resurrection shows Jesus standing on the broken down gates of the netherworld as He pulls Adam and Eve from their tombs to freedom. You can also see King David, Moses, John the Baptist, and others. On the left below Jesus' and the fallen gates, you can see broken locks and the devil, bound. 

In other words, the Icon of the Ressurection shows Jesus going into the realm of the dead to release the captives.

And I couldn't help wondering if the Icon of the Resurrection gate and the dream gate were the same gates or different.

What Does This All Mean?

When it comes to dreams, the question is always the same. What does it mean?

And the truth is, I'm not sure. I'd had a tough week. Historically, several close family members have died in April, including my mother (April 15). Then there is the Passion, which is less brutal than it is hopeful but still pretty darned brutal overall. 

This year a family member was hospitalized on Holy Saturday with a serious illness and stayed in the hospital through Easter and into this week. Various small and not so small things went wrong. Some people were kind and others were not. Those who were not, as it turned out, were Catholic.

So I don't actually know if I'm ready to unpack this particular dream. But I have considered some of the questions it brought up for me. 

Should I go through that particular dream doorway?

Given the connection with the valknot and the icon and the fact that the gate was closed, I think not, or at least not yet. 

Am I divining by dreams?

Probably. 

To me, when the Bible talks about divining, the warning is specific to that time (not to listen to non-Jewish diviners in that particular era). This does NOT mean that warning can't extend to other times and places. But it has always been my sense that it predictive divination that causes problems. 

I do pay attention to my dreams, however, and what I do with them is a form of divination.

Should I keep working with my dreams?

I think so. 

Dreams can be tricky. Like many other life experiences, they can take us in the right direction or in the wrong one. But I believe they're given to us for a reason and that—as the Valkknot and the Icon of the Resurrection clearly shows—there is more than one perspective.